I'm short due to genetic reasons as both my parents are short (although 2-3 inches taller than me) and they blame me somehow for my short height. When pushed further, he said it’s because we didn’t eat any Indian food. Moreover prior to that I was BLIND to knowing my mother was as toxic and abusive as she was. While my mother would take my brother and me to the Sikh-temple regurlarly it would be rare for him to also come A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents, specifically, those who are strict, abusive, or have impossible expectations. My dad has to be the most arrogant, childish person I have ever met throughout my life. Sick people have always freaked me out (like, I can handle broken bones or whatever, but anything else makes me dizzy/squeamish), so pursuing medicine was off the table from the beginning. They act like this b/c of the arranged marriage culture which is big in Indian and South Asian traditions. Speaking from experience. Boys were NEVER told to do household chores. Both destroyed me mentally and left scars. My mom is heavily influenced by her brothers and SIL's. . A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents, specifically, those who are strict, abusive, or have impossible expectations. 1 high expectations. Their excuse is always , “I did my best. Common topics on this subreddit include my parents immigrated to the US around 1999/2000. A parent, thus, can never be wrong and shall never be opposed. My dad constantly asks me questions Numerous occasions of seeing my parents cry themselves to sleep after an argument, an uncountable number of emotional blackmail, threatening each other with divorce or leaving, transferring their frustration on their kids through verbal and often times physical abuse. I thought my family will respect my decision when this topic come up but they proved me wrong. It is what it is. In my mind, they’re already out of my life. Indian Mom's would love to showoff and be modern compared to other moms. r/AsianParentStories. There's a chance your parents will eventually adapt. 3 they just want bragging rights in front of others. I would say seek therapy, but I’m guessing you can’t afford it. Yeah, you'll have to do deal with your parents later (if the relationship sustains itself) but in this particular case, I really do think it's best to hold off. My indian parents are extremely annoying. Please READ WHOLE POST to understand!!! My parents are EXTREMELY CONTROLLING and overbearing! They said strictly no dating whatsoever, and they’ll just “find me a nice guy” and I’ll “get married if you like each other”. Yeah lol. I am struggling to my Indian parents’ expectations and this is my way of getting it all out there in hopes of getting some feedback on how to handle it because I feel I am at my breaking point. just the other day my relatives started bragging on how they got a tesla the latest model with the features and stuff. Tell your mother that if she wants your support and care, she will have to stop hounding you, let alone hitting you, or she should be prepared to get out of your Tbh you don't tell them until marriage because then they ask too many questions or slut shame you for not committing to the first guy you date. Put the treatment on your head, then brush your hair with the lice brush. If you give your parents more time to accept the situation you will be giving them more power. My father was in government service so we grew up away from my extended family and relatives and that gave me the exposure to be who I am right now. They are so poor, they have kids without thinking twice, they hate their kids for curbing their freedom but they use their kids for social standing. If that's what you want to do and the heart is in it, I'll support your choices. A 22 year old man was finally caught after robbing raping many women. You must be utterly traumatised. It will be uncomfortable and create fights. My mom is a naturally anxious person and I A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents, specifically, those who are strict, abusive, or have impossible expectations. I'm just pissed at the fact how many of us missed out on social life and the experiences we were supposed to have as kids. Indian parents treat their daughters as some kind of object they need to care and pass on to someone else. It's your life. For example: You obey them for a while and then move out when possible. I grew up in a western country (like a lot of other Asians here) and am 29 years old. They didn't love me enough so they didn't. Not the smartest move, I know. Narcissistic Hoarding Abusive Indian Parents Advice Request So I (20F) moved out of my parent's house over the Summer of 2020, University was the perfect excuse for me to leave because it's a common cultural thing to have to live with your parents up until you get married because the expectation is that you settle down and get married Many of these Chinese parents make their kids learn classical instruments in order to “compete with the Wongs. Childhood was spent sleeping on the living room floor futon surrounded by pillows because the family was poor. ADMIN MOD. For the most part, they are really nice to me, but one thing they are horrible at is understanding boundaries. I'm almost 20[M] years old from an Indian family living in North America. You have every right to feel angry, you have every right to hate and resent your parents. (We we’re married 11 months ago). When I begged her to remove it, she said no, saying she hadn't done that until she was in her 20s and I was Indian parents are confused as to where the boundary lines are when it comes to relationships. Additionally, the timing is kind of suspicious. Because "slipper" is just an obvious shorthand abbreviation of the sentence "the slipper will rip" which itself obviously refers to slippers ripping from hitting a child Indian parents and their obsession with arranged marriages. My husband has been through a lot of trauma too as a result of my narcissistic mother. My mom even forced me to wear shorts in public sometimes, and I felt so self conscious and humiliated. Your parents are more likely to listen to other Indian people their age, than to young people. My indian parents are worried about me and my sister. Once my mom forcefully pulled me into the Mom- This is not normal and even if many people say it is, in reality 99. Have a discussion with your sister free of your parents politely and lovingly. Although this particular news is an extreme case it is a fact that Indian parents consider interfering=love I guess you can only remain calm and put forth your thoughts/decisions firmly even though they start reeling you in with the age old trick of Some people might say I’m exaggerating, but the gasoline and lighter fluid ‘incident’ and sexual abuse is unforgivable. One-Sided Indian Dad. i’ll just cut to the chase: my parents (primarily driven by my mom) are hyper religious Hindus, as in I pray with proper priest clothing daily, got my thread ceremony done, do weekly abhisheka at home, say extra slokas my Indian parents not allowing gf over. My mom and her side of close relatives ( her brothers and their wives, my mom's mom) are also forcing me into this marriage. Parents in India are quite literally equated to God. I don't feel emotionally safe at home. However, thigs have been progressing downhill significantly over the last few months. Oh well, I accepted it hoping that things would change once I accomplished what my parents A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents, specifically, those who are strict, abusive, or have impossible expectations. Some kids aren't treated right. Easily 50 percent of them have no business being near a child at all. The older I became the less and ness they started to use to their brains and made me do tasks they as adults should actually be able to do themselves. I belong to a Rajput family (the caste system, duh!). too) people post here. To All: your Asian parents will never ever change nor apologize for all their wrong doings. Abuse is abuse, despite geography, age, and culture. Tell her your For context. She is a single mother who got divorced because my father is abusive both physically and emotionally. We have been datings since 2. 9 percent of them think it's abnormal but don't say so to look cool. Going to cut off my Indian parents. My mom told the counsellor how ridiculous he is. Indian woman chiming in here. (iii) Regarding transitioning, many parents see this as their son being replaced by someone else. My father, during marriage counselling with my mom (court mandated, they eventually got divorced) he complained that none of us were Indian enough because of my mother (who is also Indian). I had a typical strict Indian/Asian upbringing with emphasis on education and devoid of fun things like going out, friends, boyfriends etc. Right now they are threatening you to control you. Treat him way better. I think my mom is bipolar and she has always tormented me my whole life through verbal abuse, emotional abuse, a lot of religious abuse if that's a thing, and some physical abuse (slapping me for small things) My dad has done some bad things in the past to me like he has anger issues and would get mad at me for small things like he would slap me for spilling water Regardless. You don’t need another set of hands to remove lice. 🙁. F20 Indian parents don’t allow me to date. It's a competition to show that their children graduated best in their class, went to a top college, and got a six-figure job. Arjun is a typical "traditional Indian" spineless I-always-obey-my-parents sheep-like Indian guy. Indians are Asian, yes. ValuableIncident. Wait until it's more serious. Im not Indian but can relate. My birthday parties used to have my parent's colleagues and their families. The abuser (the Indian parents) is always protected while the abused one (indian son or daughter) is seen as the enemy. When i go to the library to study and come back home, they tell me "Why are you coming back so late? Did you really go to the library or somewhere else?" They keep bringing up random people that have gotten their bachelor degree and now have a job and tell me to "hurry up" because of "how far behind we I've got Indian parents, and let's just say they're pretty traditional. Kids at school would make fun of me, my name cause I don't have a american name, call me asian jokes I was weird i (f19) just ended my first year of university away from home and its truly been a wild ride because of my parents' actions. One time I was smacked and forced to cancel my college application because I wanted to study music. This conversation is going on for the past 1 month on and off. I would always try to wear pants during the summer to hide my legs. Where do I even begin. I am F (22) final year med student and my boyfriend ( 23 ) is a doctor. Let him get away with a lot more stuff while being super-strict with me. This is going to be a short post, but the stigma around periods in Asian culture is insane. One thing I realized is that Indian parents have a weird obsession with their kids and they live for their society. Common topics on this subreddit include There is no justification for their behaviour. We are told to respect everything they do and say, no matter right or wrong. This is all part and parcel in the way many Indians are culturally programmed to consider it a horrific misdeed to "abandon one's parents". It's ok to accept everything they say till a certain age. I think your mum needs to realise that 99. He used to gaslight my mum, he is insecure about himself which he used to show on my mother. Sorry for the long post, but I really need to get this off my chest. They just told me as a formality this morning and told me you would have to go Bangalore for the walk in interview and go for the sake of "experience" treat it as a "mock interview" and Bangalore is great for IT growth. The way they scrap a little of your self esteem and confidence every time. It ensures you don't bleed outside your body. They also think mental illness is a hoax despite being abusive and probably significantly mentally ill themselves, and have caused me severe mental Hey, Indian 24M here. I was born in india but grew up here and my brother was born in america. Yes they do. ”. This was one such story. We had an amazing relationship with my parents who went above and beyond to send us to private schools and sacrificed their free time and money as my brother and I pursued high level athletics (we were Team Canada Athletes and travelled all over the world). This is a place for people to vent, seek support, or offer advice to others who are going through similar situations. And shitty toxic punjabi parenting at home. I have seen many Indians sharing their stories, so I would like to share mine. My parents don't think of me as a investment return because they already have a post-retirement plan ready with my aunt and uncle in a old age home they would be staying at the moment they hit 60. My Indian father would always like my younger brother more. Your Indian father could be an uneducated alcoholic with anger-issues. My sister and my parents applied for a job in my brother in law's company without even asking me once. I suggest going ahead and living your life. I (25F - Indian) also have Indian in-laws who are a bit more traditional than my parents. The biggest shock growing up was when in middle school a teacher shut the door and read out a newspaper article. I can definitely sympathize, my Indian parents also despise each other, refuse to get counseling, and also refuse to divorce despite their rocky marriage literally ruining their child’s life. He is still like that but I dont really mind anymore. Kishorilal also has an adopted son, Arjun. The parents feel the peer pressure to make their kids learn piano or get good grades not purely for their well-being, but so the parents can brag about their kids at the next gathering. Now people know the truth, what can I do? And being Indian, take it from me, they are much more scared about their reputation than you are. All his victims were in their 50s or older. I stayed in hostel for my engineering from 2015-19 (first time I lived away from home). I'm posting all of this today because now that I've finally started earning good, I want to relive some of my childhood dreams and make my personal life better. I am 20 M and growing up with my parents in India, I was always reminded of how grateful should I be for them, and their sacrifices. 2 tough love. indian parents and i guess other asian parents just make everying a contest wheathers its money, grades, house, even who has the best lawn. They don't see the post-transition person being the same individual. Do not introduce your black girlfriend to your colorist parents. But he has audacity to call me and complaint "yOu dOnT eVEn HaVe tiMe tO CaLL" and then send me a 4 line profile of a prospective match and become soulmate with him. A lot of South Asian (because that encompasses Bangaldesh, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, etc. 5 years, and was living at home with my parents since 2019. Judging by their reaction to family therapy you would be waiting a long time for your parents to come around. Keep dating her, see if the relationship sustains itself and thoughts of marriage spring up. Indian parents are fucked up. Korean Christian immigrant parents beat me at home and say crazy nutty religious stuff. I'm a teenager and I recently im noticing so many things that my parents do which i feel are really weird. I used to be optimistic about life and energetic everyday but over the course of several years growing up I experienced I told my Indian parents about my boyfriend. Their children's failure in life makes them lose face. No one talks about the mental abuse by the parents. Another option is a mixture of the above two. We still live with them and help them with their business. People give me dirty looks or just ignore me. */ Little context */. Spend it as you wish, doing the thing you want to. And it makes sure you don't have rashes (all Indian In-Laws have no boundaries. Get married and choose happiness. Growing up, people were always bragging to each other about how their daughter is just 12 and can cook. According to the Indian society, parents are regarded as the supreme beings who have the right to control their children’s lives as per the societal needs. I agree they sacrificed a lot by not spending on themselves and instead on my and my sister's education. Another option: start standing up for yourself. I hope you know that you didn't deserve the abuse and praying feel peaceful and away from all the abuse A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents, specifically, those who are strict, abusive, or have impossible expectations. 🙃. im chinese, so my mom has always had a bit of a funky parenting style (pressures me with guilt, picks on my friends/classmates/peers because of their looks, makes racist and stereotypical comments to the point where she is proud of her biases), but i wouldn't say i had a Indian parents can just say the one word "slipper" in their native language and literally nothing else, and the children can immediately correctly register that as a threat. Their decision is to be respected and praises are to be sung of their wisdom. Brother slept next to me. The setting was a parent-teacher meeting where the parents come in and sit with the teachers to get prog A community where people can share their experiences of growing up with Asian parents, specifically, those who are strict, abusive, or have impossible expectations. This is the most stupid thing i have read today. I noticed Indian parents and Asian parents are literally the same when it comes to their parenting. Whenever I ask my mother why she can’t come over it’s because she says if I were to bring a girl over, it’d be because of marriage. But when a kid so much as puts his own thoughts forward, all hell breaks lose. Recently, I had a girlfriend, and we were doing all the typical couple things – shopping, trips, you name it. My Indian parents drove me to attempting suicide at age 16 and several more attempts before I even went to uni. Tiredofshittoday. How I lived that period is story for other time. •. Parents abusing or even just disrespecting their child in front of the child's partner signals to the partner, that he/she can also abuse and disrespect you because you are used to this kind of behaviour. 9% of people don't hold the same views as her on a variety of issues. My mom kinda My parents are highly educated (both phd's) but their personal thinking is still stuck in 1970's small town India. College life was same more or less, no extra money for anything not even some extra money in case I had an emergency. APs were ashamed and no guests were invited. Yes the feeling of not having parents, every day I worry about my parents could hurt me today. Shah Rukh Khan portrays Arjun, who has lived in America for a few years but is still completely Indian at heart. This goes hand-in-hand with the kind of extremely unhealthy ownership behavior that Indian parents engage in vis-a-vis their grown children. We are a Sikh-family. This is a plac *Long Post Warning* I'm a 32 year old male, born in Canada to Indian parents born in the 1950's. 5 years and my family loves him but as far as I know my mom thought he was my friend and I really don't know what my dad thinks. Indian parents best at guilt tripping. They will act as victims when you try to live your life as you wish but one thing that helped me is creating boundaries. I just hate this thinking. It is not jealousy but it makes me wonder rather. It is very popular in other places. 7 Lakhs INR from April to July without letting my parents know about it. He is doing his internship and will graduate in a few months. Oh my days. Even the people I used to talk to. I didn't have my own room until college junior year. I’m 22M, I can’t move out because I don’t got the money for that. If you tell them now they'll make your dating life very difficult. Even when your Indian parents dont bother teaching you certain things, it is your fault for not knowing them. At first glance, they don't seem that traditional - my MIL has a career, my FIL cooks and cleans, etc. Well, mom and dad your best is total shit! I told my parents my grandparents were better parents on both sides. As a kid I was a naive dry sponge who would absorb everything good positive/negative going on around them. Parents are a traditional Indian hindu family. The latest victim had just dies from her injuries. Things used to be good in life with my parents, and up until recently I never thought anything was wrong with my family. I am not Indian but I have a theory as an outsider looking in. 338. I'm 29, a specialist doctor, currently pursuing superspeciality in a government hospital in India, earning a half-decent stipend. The kid's right to opinion is termed as Disobedience, any I'll address a few common points about Indian parents one by one: Indian parents have no accountability. A 14 yo shouldn't talk about accountability, but a 24 yo can and should. She has truly ruined the mental state of both my husband and I over the last 2 years. I'm going to go against the grain, because I did convince my parents that I have vastly different goals than my cousins/Indian peers. Put a stop to this nonsense. These fuckers are still stuck in the 15th century! Sure, AI surgeries and whatnot are on the rise, but engineers can't do everything from writing the code to knowing the intricacies of teeth. I haven't talked with mine in 4 months and I am trying to get over this guilt feeling . I just got a job few months back. I have Indian Muslim parents. You need to understand what your options are and what you want. They're not all that conservative but they have the "what will people say" mentallity even though they immigrated to the states 12 years ago. Hello, I am an Indian guy, aged 17, currently preparing for the national medical exam (NEET). When you take 2 strangers who are barely out of puberty, use shaming and other social pressure tactics to force them together, then you will have stunted adults. Long story short, I ended up spending around 2. So my AD (Indian) is NC with me since I decided to pursue my own career path after Masters and wasting 4 years. It involves a young girl in Grade 7. Asian parents are obsessed with their children’s success. Of course I dont want anyone from the Indian community to act like an asshole towards him. . Listening to these comments and many others at other subreddits made me realise how lucky I was born to my parents. I decided to cut them out of my life as soon as I move out. To all the Parents and Kids who defend toxic Indian Parenting. Some background story: We are a family of four (me (33), brother (27), mom (58), dad (60). I have heard many stories anout my father from relatives, my mum, family etc. They started living separately since I was 1 year old. She was 76-years old. To do this, put a white towel on a table or some kind of furniture, then tilt your head to the front so your hair is “hanging” and not touching your body. If you could slowly slowly put this thought into her mind, "Tampons have more benefits. My Math teacher, taught several classes, like all the teachers and would sometimes tell us stories about events that happened involving students from his other classes. When I was little my Indian parents were somehow able to solve every problem. I didn't waste their money too, almost all the All Asian parents are this way, not only Indian parents. I'm Indian (but live in America, so I've been very exposed to "western culture" as my parents like to call it, and I have Sex Ed/lessons about puberty in school) and my mother acts like periods are the most a single mistake is enough for my parents to bother me for three or more days Indian community treats me like shit. I didn't have a job after graduation and was unemployed for 1. Best advice: NOPE. Struggling to deal with Indian parents. Indian parents worried about their daughters. Rant/Vent. Dad is a high ranking govt officer with a huge ego and some anger issues, mother is a homemaker. He thinks he is the world's greatest person and can not accept he is ever wrong about anything, which has taken a significant toll on our relationship. Your ticket to this planet. Connect your parents with them. Period stigma with asian parents. Hi everyone! I’m a 29 year old girl, who hails from a conservative Brahmin family. Personal Story. life is different than what it was 30 years ago when our parents were our age, they want you to lead theife the same way as they did. Indian parents, generational trauma and the struggle for emotional regulation. I was born in Jammu and Kashmir (which you guys might know as the hotspot of terrorist attacks and activities). I'm south asian so I'm hairy but my never let me shave/wax my legs. In my country abortion is like issue 294 down on the list. Even when the child is getting abused, the society will still support the parents because “they’re older so they know well” and they are the ones who brought life. Hello, I (20M) have a lot to say about my dad. Bullied in elementary and middle school for being indian. So fking true. Other peole who are on the highsr social ladder use it. I literally can’t find a single Reddit post that talks about this sort of tradition so I thought Yes, Indian parents hit their children, but abuse cannot be justified in terms of cultural otherness. gp xb ia af oa pj hz gz vg ro